Catharsis
by Sleine
Summary: Naruto develops feelings, not platonically, for a person he never expected to fall for. Worse, that person may belong to someone else already, can Naruto resolve his feelings in the end? Warning: Yaoi and het pairings
1. Default Chapter

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Disclaimers: 

Oh well, the usual. I'm sure you've heard them all before, the characters don't belong to me, yada yada. I'm feeling annoyed over that fact already! So don't rub it in. *sulking*

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Author's Ramble: 

This is written a looong time ago, when sudden inspiration hit and I HAD to pen it down. The enthusiasm to finish it wore off soon enough though, but it's back now, the ideas more concrete than ever. So I guess I'll be trying my best to finish it, and while I'm at it, finish the rest of my WIPs too…. It's been too long ___

And comments are as usual, very appreciated and critical for my assessment of how I write. I really wouldn't want to people to read my stuff and go "Oh bugger. What a freaking waste of time." So please, do give me feedback ^__^

That said, I should **WARN** yaoi-ickish people should boot out as soon as you read this line cause, yes, this is going to be yaoi. And soon-to-be rated R. And will have **KakashixNaruto**, **NarutoxSasuke** and possible involvements of Naruto with the likes of **Itachi**,**Gaara**, **Neji** and…..even **Jiraiya**. (Oh don't glare at me, I'm having enough trouble trying to come to terms with how screwed my mind must be to come up with that too) I'm still working on those ideas though, but hey, don't say you weren't warned. ^___^

Catharsis

k&-'thär-s&s  
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek _katharsis, _from _kathairein _to cleanse, purge, from _katharos_  
Date: circa 1775  
-purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art 

-a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension  
**-**elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression 

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Chapter 1: Beginnings 

"Old hag!! Pervert sennin!" Naruto yelled "Hurry up will you?

Jiraiya looked up from his scribbling in his notebook, when he heard the yells. Naruto was up ahead, jumping up and down waving his arms frantically to catch their attentions and make his point. A twitch began to form on Jiraiya's brow as he looked down once more at his notebook and tried to recall that sudden stroke of inspiration for his latest would-be publish, and found it hopelessly lost. He threw down his pen in frustration and yelled at that hyperactive figure 

"Dammit!! I am Jiraiya! The epitome of man! I take NO orders from anyone, especially not from a brat!"

Naruto rolled his eyes at the comment and turned around to move on ahead. Tsunade who was walking alongside Jiraiya and Shizune watched all this with a smile. The brat was endearing in his own way, so much so, that she was willing to overlook the fact that he constantly called her an 'old hag' . Hell, she had beat the living shit out of people for less before. But this boy…this boy, was special. His enthusiasm for life, his unfailing determination, his infinite strength and boundless potential. These qualities set him apart from the rest around him. He will never give up, and Tsunade should know. She had been just metres away from him, when he almost lost his life proving his determination. This quality of his, already outshines most of the many ninjas she had seen in the half century she had lived. So, for him…she will overlook his taunts and pranks. She will protect the village he belongs and loves so passionately, the village he had reminded her she belonged, and will be returning to, after so many years of absence.

They had been traveling for days and thanks to the medicinal abilities of Tsunade and Shizune, Jiraiya's injuries were healed, while Naruto practically self healed himself without his knowing. The journey back to the Hidden Leaf was drawing to a close and the excitement of being back home was evidently showing itself in Naruto's constant urging for them to "move their asses" as he so eloquently puts it. 

Naruto was humming a tune to himself, it was going off key he knew, but he couldn't care less right this moment. He was finally going back home, and he couldn't wait. He wondered what Iruka-sensei was doing right then, and Sasuke…a frown settled itself between his brows as he thought of his injured comrade. It was weird, he mused, to verbally, no…in this case mentally refer to his rival as a comrade. Even though he knew deep down, he had already recognized Sasuke as an important comrade, his pride usually got into the way of him verbally spelling that fact out, even for himself. 

I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder, he thought wryly. I hope he's doing okay….well, at least hang in there until Tsunade arrives. Thinking that, he whirled around once again to check on the distance the two sennins and apprentice were making. He was irritated to find that they haven't quickened their pace at all despite all his urging. He made a frustrated growl and was about to yell at them again before he paused and thought better of it. If they're not going to keep up, then he will just have to move on without them. 

The entrance gates of Hidden Leaf Village came into view, and Naruto couldn't quell the warm rush of excitement bubbling in him, or suppress the loud yell of "Yesss!!!". He ran forward as fast as he could , and ignoring the bewildered glances sent his way by the people upon his entrance into the village, he minutely decided to make his way to see how his fallen comrade was doing. 

As he approached the Sasuke's apartment Naruto thought of how he should make his entrance. He grinned as he made his decision. He threw open the door .

"Hey Sasuke! I've bested you once again! Wait till you see! Nyahahaha……" his laugh died on his lips, dramatic entrance forgotten. The apartment was deathly quiet, and a foreboding feeling was beginning to creep up his spine. Naruto slowly removed his burdens and left his bag on the floor before moving towards Sasuke's bedroom. He pushed the against the partially closed door and strained to look into the darkened room. 

"S-Sasuke?"

Naruto could make out the lines of a bed, and as his hand fumbled along the wall, searching for a light switch, his eyes never broke contact with bed. When the lights came on, Naruto inhaled sharply. Sasuke was lying on the bed, looking pale and …. Dead. Naruto moved forward quickly and was immensely relieved to see the shallow rise and fall of his chest, which indicated that Sasuke was indeed alive and breathing. A deep pain was settling in Naruto's heart as he assessed his rival. As his eyes took in the sallow skin, the grave pallor, the thinness and lines of sickness that was etched into his face disturbed him and added to the feeling of…wrongness to what he was presently witnessing. 

He barely managed to move fast enough to dodge the weapon that whizzed past his head, missing its target by mere millimeters. As he stumbled backwards and reached quickly for his kunais before rounding on his attacker. His eyes widened in surprise as he took in a shocked Sakura by the door still poised in a battle stance. 

"N-N-Naruto?!" she squeaked.

"Sakura!! What the hell were you doing trying to kill me?!" Naruto harrumphed****indignantly as he replaced his kunais and folded his arms. He was nearly bowled over when Sakura barreled into him to give him a hug. It was all he could do to keep his eyes from rolling out of their sockets in surprise. /_Absence **does** make the heart grow fonder…/ _Naruto though bewilderedly.

Sakura released him quickly and looked apologetic. "I saw the front door open…I thought…I thought perhaps someone was here to harm Sasuke-kun…..maybe Orochimaru or one of his subordinates….sorry…"she finished meekly.

"Ha! Thanks to my superior reflexes and amazing skills, was I able to dodge an attempted assassination. Or I wouldn't be standing right now." 

"I said I was sorry!" then Sakura's eyes turned accusing. "You left without telling any of us where you were going! Have you any idea how worried the rest of us were?! Iruka sensei almost went mad with worry, until he was told by the elders of the village you had went on a mission with one of the Sennins, when he barged into their quarters in near hysteria to report your absence!"

Naruto was immediately gripped with overwhelming guilt as he imagined Iruka's actions in his head. And the agitated glare Sakura sent him was not helping either. "I-I'm sorry." he sputtered.

"You should be!" Sakura retorted haughtily as inner Sakura distantly mused at how quickly their roles had reversed in the past minute. She then looked past his shoulder at the still form lying in bed. The spark of life that shone in her eyes before dulled as she was reminded of the reason why she came here in the first place. Naruto noticed this and hesitantly asked "Had he been like this….the whole while?" 

"Yes…he hasn't improved very much at all since Gai sensei brought him back. Most of the time he's sleeping, and dreaming of nightmares. And nothing would wake him…and …"Sakura's voice sounded broken as she described their teammate's condition. 

"Don't worry Sakura, Tsunade's here to heal him, he'll be dancing around in the pink of health in no time."

Sakura managed a smile as inner Sakura gave a snort at the image of Sasuke dancing around. Then she realized she was missing out on something. "Tsunade?"

"Eh? Oh yeah, she's um, our Fifth Hokage apparently, and an expert at medicine I think. And she's -"

"One of the legendary three Sennins." Sakura finished for him.

"Huh? You know her?"

"Did you ever pay attention during history lessons Naruto?" came Sakura's exasperated reply " The three Sennins are renowned throughout the entire ninja community! Each one of them possess powers that rival the Hokage's….no wonder one of them is going to be the new Hokage."

"Whatever….I seriously doubt she can be one though! She's rather incompetent, rash with money, bad-tempered, and rolls in bad luck, or so the pervert sennin says." complained Naruto "I'm going to be the Hokage someday, so I hope she doesn't screw the image of the Hokage up before I get to become one."

"As if you can, idiot." a hoarse voice croaked behind him.

Both Naruto's and Sakura's heads snapped to the owner of the voice their faces caught in the identical expressions of disbelief. 

"Sasuke-kun! You're awake!" Sakura rushed to his side, and began fussing over him, relief coursing through her and her eyes were becoming suspiciously blurry. She sniffed a little as she poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the bedside table.

Naruto was so _overwhelmed_ by relief that he was willing to let it overshadow the fact Sasuke had called him an idiot. "Sasuke! How are you feeling now?" genuinely concerned for the boy who was too weak at the moment to even sit up. Sasuke gave a tired grunt in reply as Sakura helped feed the water to his dry cracked lips. 

Somehow, the image didn't sit right with Naruto, that his rival was too feeble to help himself to a drink. And the fact that he was weak enough to be able to swallow his pride, and allow someone to _feed _him….it was just simply _wrong_.

"Tsunade's here, you'll be fine!" Naruto blurted out unthinkingly. The sudden urge to reassure had failed to allow Naruto to foresee the current embarrassment, in admitting his concern, that he's finding himself in now. Sakura just blinked at him, while he could have sworn Sasuke was _smirking_. He scratched his face and looked aside, "Uh, well, what I meant was that, um, Tsunade's here for that purpose, and uh…." a sudden thought strayed in "Oh yeah! Why didn't Kakashi do his healing thing for you? He did it before didn't he? During the chunnin exams…what?" Naruto frowned when he saw Sakura's expression change into a troubled one.

"Naruto, you left before you knew, Kakashi sensei got into a fight with…with…."Sakura bit her lip, reminded suddenly of her slip and turned fretful eyes on Sasuke, afraid of continuing . She was scared that the very mention of Itachi would set Sasuke into a fit or something..

Sasuke had tensed up for a while before forcing himself to relax. "Itachi…." he finished for her. "He fell victim to same jutsu as I did, before I even went to find you."

"So….how is he now?" Naruto asked hesitantly, processing this new information. All this while he had assumed his sensei was well and about, doing his best for Sasuke. 

"He hasn't woken up at all since, Naruto…." Sakura said as her voice took on an odd hitch that hinted to everyone she was trying not to cry. "The other jounins have taken turns in watching over him, and during the visits I made, I could hardly notice any improvement." 

"I-I'll go visit him later." Naruto found himself at a loss at what to say. His mind was being overloaded with all these events, first the rush of coming back to the village, then finding Sasuke in the state he was in, and now, to top it all off, Kakashi's fallen state. 

Sakura noticing Sasuke's escalating fatigue, said quickly "Ah, Naruto, I'll be heading there now as well, I'll go with you. Sasuke-kun, we should leave you to your rest, and get your new Hokage to tend to you as soon as possible."

Sasuke gave the barest of nods before sleep settled over him once more.

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"So what have you been doing during your time away?" 

Naruto looked up from staring at his activity of kicking pebbles while walking. "Huh? Um….oh yeah, I left with pervert sennin to look for the old hag, and he taught me this new jutsu! I had this bet with the old hag that I'll master it, and she lost." Excitement sparked in his eyes once more. Sakura smiled at that.

They chatted while making their way to Kakashi's apartment, and Sakura had to admit, Naruto's enthusiasm-in the way he talked and acted, seemed to dissipate the gloom like a ray of warm light. She wondered why she couldn't see it before, how his personality lights up everything about him. Even in the worst of conditions, he was able to convey a sense of hope, an assurance that everything's going to be alright. 

"You know, Naruto….you should never change." Sakura said with a smile.

"Nyahahaha of cou-…..eh, huh?!" Naruto gaped at her. Recovering quickly, he laughed "Are you falling in love with me already Sakura-chan?" as he blew her a kiss and ran off.

"Baaaka!!" she yelled and gave chase. 

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Author's ramble part 2:

Yes, yes, I am well aware that this has been an all too boring chapter, and certainly drag-gy beyond belief…. I was planning to write more before concluding the first chapter, but I thought I'd spent the time for more development on chapter 2 instead. Oh well, as said, I'll certainly appreciate it if I can get some feedback on this, as little as there is to comment on =___=;;

Forgive grammatical errors and such, I don't have a beta-reader, and English isn't my mother tongue. ___ 


	2. Chapter Two: Initiation

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Disclaimers: The standard ones apply =____=………

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Author's Ramble: I've been wondering, who reads the author's ramble anyway? But oh well, I can still hope can't I? It's probably the fastest update I've ever done, because I wanted it out of my system as fast as possible. I know the previous chapter was, well….not exactly going _anywhere_, so I wanted to hasten things abit. It'll probably slow down from now on though, though I hope I can at least manage updates once every week. ^__^

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Talais: Thank you, thank you THANK YOU!!! For being my first reviewer, for offering to beta read my stuff, and showing support and commenting constructively XD! Can I take you up on your offer? Can I? XDXD *bouce* How should I contact you about the details? In any case, my icq number's available on my FF.net profile page ^^

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Ayako: Glad to know you're not bored, even though that chapter wasn't too developed for a fact ___

It isn't going to be a case of Kakashi hitting on Naruto though, I'm hoping to make it more realistic than that =)

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Remorseful Youth: Haha! Glad you agree with me! There aren't enough KakaNaru fics out there! There's a whole load of SasuNaru already in almost all possible scenarios (though I DO love that pairing too) but why not explore other possibilities?? Fic writers!! I challenge you!!

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ibichan: Ibiiiiiiichan!! I never got round to telling you how MUCH I appreciate your comments and support! I actually feel a lot better about myself and my writings after finding out that I've managed to convince at least one person to feel passionate enough about my work to say the things you did. Thank you!! *cries*

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Sonha: Arigatou!! I'll be working hard from now on to bring you the dreams I hold for this fic! *laughs at own corniness* Stay tuned alright? ^___~

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Bishiehuggler: *glomps* Hahaha, thanks for the poms poms! Yeah I'm having abit of trouble finding the right words to describe the emotions, the narration and all that to convey what I really have in mind, but thanks for encouraging me! 

**: **erm, never got round to finding out what your name was, but thanks for reviewing! Haha, yeah JiraNaru's a little over the top, but really! Not what you think at all, it's hmm, well, I do have plans for that, at least a little bit, but trust me, it won't be as bad as it sounds. Don't want to have let any spoilers out here ^__^; so if you can, read on and find out k?

Once again, thanks to all my reviewers, I appreciate it a lot! On the topic of reviews, I do, DO feel more encouraged and inspired to write faster when I get reviews, so if you're reading this, try to review alright? So at least I know people are reading what I put effort in to write. It's probably too shameless to ask for reviews like that, and I clearly recall the disgust I feel when seeing some fic writers say things like "If I don't get ?? reviews, I won't write chapter ?? !" I'm not trying to do that ^___^;; just that I feel discouraged with lack of reviews. I'll still keep writing though, if there aren't any, haha~

Alright, that said, on to chapter 2!

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Catharsis

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Chapter Two: Initiation

"Oi Sakura! You gotta build up on that stamina of yours!" Naruto taunted as he laughed and ran faster, widening the gap between them.

"Shut …." Sakura began, but thought better of it, refusing to be baited into the childish squabble that would have ensued. Hell, she's having enough trouble keeping her breath steady already, why waste all the effort on meaningless speech. She gritted her teeth and tried to catch up.

Naruto ran up the steps down the corridor where the jounins quarters were. Seeing Kakashi's door open, ran right into it unthinkingly. 

"Yo, Kakash-- !!" 

"Shhhh!!"

Naruto struggled against the hand that appeared out of nowhere to clamp itself over his face. As Gai's face loomed over his Naruto couldn't keep in the shriek that would have rivalled a woman's if it wasn't muffled by the hand.

Sakura caught up a few seconds later, catching her breath before she noticed the still-struggling Naruto and Gai sensei. 

"W-what?" 

"This idiot needs to learn some sort of common sense! Kakashi's _resting_!" Gai hissed.

Sakura threw Naruto a dirty look, before noticing he was turning rather pale in the face.

"Gai-sensei!!" Sakura cried out frantically.

Gai turned back to look at Naruto who'd started to go rather slack in his hands before realising with horror that he's been suffocating him. He released his grip immediately and Naruto fell forwards on his hands and knees gasping while he took in great gulps of air.

"S-some….some….co-common….sense….you ..have too….." Naruto wheezed out in between breaths.

Gai could only look sheepish while putting his hand behind his head in an apologetic manner.

Sakura looked at them, before turning her head away to the side, not wanting to witness further the impressive display of idiocy before her.

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It was a full minute later before Naruto could fully collect himself. He looked around and noticed Kakashi's bed. Quickly he scrambled to his feet and started towards the bed before he came to an abrupt stop. 

That's…..Kakashi?

Sakura came up before him walked past him to pull Kakashi's blankets up further to cover him. 

Naruto could hardly process the scene before him. Sure, Naruto was no stranger to blood, gore, corpses, injury, suffering and agony. He's seen enough to make him almost indifferent when faced with situations that involved some, if not all of the described. He could face them down without so much as a flinch or frown, only…. Only when it concerned the ones he loved. 

He first acquainted the unfamiliar feel of having his heart constricted in a tight grip that pulled fiercely towards his feet, the immediate drain of blood from his face, body and the shock of the icy coldness that subsequently followed, and last but not least, the deafening pounding of his struggling heart, beating fast and hard, fit enough to burst. All that happening in that one, devastatingly dragged out second.

Mind you., Uzumaki Naruto is not one easy to shock, scare, threaten or put down. It is not easy to make him to feel helpless, small and all round vulnerable. And the number of times that has happened since he became a gennin, could be counted with one hand with fingers left to spare. 

Iruka.

Sasuke.

And now, to add to that list, Kakashi.

Granted, the effects weren't as pronounced, and was slightly different….his heart didn't feel like it was being wrenched but it did encounter a sharp jolting pain that Naruto flinched and his hand reached quickly to grab the front of his jacket over his heart in a claw-like grip. And what's that white static roaring in his ears anyway? _Sakura's saying something, I can't hear……_

"…..Huh?" 

Sakura her hand under his elbow, as if to steady him while her face wore a worried expression as she repeated, "I asked if you were okay…..you suddenly went pale and grabbed you chest as if it hurt."

Naruto looked at her while his brain tried to process her words, and clear the static jumble that had collected there previously. When it finally did, he laughed "Oh, must have been tired from the trip and all, hahahhaha!" and cringed inwardly as he noted how shaky he sounded even to himself.

Seeing the look of worry still on Sakura's face, he tried again "Ne, Sakura-chan, you really _must_ be falling in love with me to be this worried over nothing! So, wanna go out on a date?"

It worked, and Sakura's expression shifted from worry to surprise to indignant before she hissed, "You idiot!" and whacked him on the head for good measure before turning around to fuss over Kakashi sensei to hide her embarrassment.

Gai just looked on at them in amusement, thinking to himself about youngsters, budding loves and teenage wiles.

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Naruto sat in his apartment slurping ramen listlessly as he thought about the happenings during the day. Truthfully, he had no clue what exactly happened back there, why'd he felt so lost all of a sudden upon seeing Kakashi? 

He frowned as he felt a jab of pain in his chest when he recalled Kakashi's pale, sick face. In the weeks he'd left, Kakashi had grown rather thin and sallow, his brows settling in a frown even in his rest, speaking of unseen nightmares unseen, unheard and unfelt by anyone of them. Naruto had never seen Kakashi-sensei as he did this afternoon. Kakashi sensei was always laid back….well, too laid back sometimes, and in control of whatever situation that they may find themselves in. He acted as if he didn't have a care in the world, most evident in the way he doesn't even bother coming up with a valid excuse for his lack of punctuality. 

Naruto respected the man for his strength and abilities, and seeing him as hapless and vulnerable as he was a big blow to him.

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Maybe that's why I felt so shocked. I never thought he'd be one to fall from anything, Naruto thought, slumping on the table and resting his chin on the cold surface as he stared morosely at the scratches and lines etched into the old table. Naruto reached into his back pocket and drew out a kunai and proceeded to scratch the surface even further. When he was done, he gave a sigh as if recognising the sheer pointlessness of damaging his furniture further, picked up his ramen bowl and went to wash the dishes.

On the worn wooden table, freshly scratched was the name "Kakashi".

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Naruto woke up and blearily rubbed his eyes. He turned to look at the clock before bolting out of bed to quickly change into his usual gear. Tsunade had arranged to see Sasuke, Kakashi and Lee today and he wanted to be there.

As he ran down the cobbled pavements in the village to the village administration office, he caught sight of several people walking out of that place. Closer scrutiny told him that it was the old hag, pervert sennin, Shizune and Gai sensei. Relieved, he quickly ran up to them and as he drew closer, he heard the distinct sounds of two people bickering. 

"…….well, I've said it before haven't I? It's the bloody brat Kakashi, Uchiha's kid and ---" 

"Lee! My student!" Gai sensei quickly finished for the pervert.

"Yeah, Tsunade, you've got to do something about that head of yours, you're getting old and forgetf---OWWWW!!!"

Tsunade had flicked a finger across his nose and now Jiraiya was howling in agony as he clamped both his hands across his face and Naruto could see a trickle of blood seeping from between those fingers.

"YUU FWADDY BWEECH! YUU PWOKE MY NOSH!!!" 

Tsunade smiled nastily and replied "No, I did not. I merely triggered one of the arteries there to bleed and sent an electric signal to you nerves to grace you with agony comparable to a broken nose. You should be grateful I didn't _really_ break it though for all the annoyance you've caused me all day."

Jiraiya removed his hands and sneered, or rather, tried to, with a bleeding nose. 

"And you know what I say is true. I speak for all men, you most certainly have recognised the truth in my words judging from that huge chest of yours. If I hadn't pointed out to you that you were a flat-chested bitch---"

"Tsunade-sama!!"

Jiraiya moved in time to avoid the leg that aimed at his crotch. He stared aghast at Tsunade. 

"I can't believe you tried to do that, that's hitting below the belt literally!"

"Yeah, you better believe that and more too!" Tsunade gritted as she swung another fist in his direction.

Naruto just stared, he couldn't believe what he was witnessing. He wasn't big into the whole "Sennin-sama" crap, and he's easily the worst candidate to talk on the subject of public etiquette but this was way to bizarre. They certainly had not behaved this badly when Naruto was travelling back with them to the Leaf. A little insulting here and there but they got along fine mostly. In any case, that's the new **_Hokage_** and another of the **_legendary_** sennins for crying out loud.

Tsunade stopped her fist in mid-swing as she noticed Naruto standing before her. 

"Hey Naruto!" She called out cheerily.

At this, a very distressed Shizune, a flabbergast Gai and Jiraiya who was caught in mid-jump whipped their heads around to look at him.

What?! What's that supposed to mean? Am I expected to do something?? WHAT?!! Naruto thought in stunned panic as he looked at the faces before him. And he still couldn't quite cope with the change in old-ha…er…Tsunade from raving to cheerful in an instant. And now they're all looking at him, it's becoming too weird.

Gai saved the day.

"Hey Naruto, we thought you weren't coming!" he said as he flashed one of his flashy grins and gave a thumbs up. "Glad you made it!"

"Y-yeah! Um, must have been t-too tired from the trip, almost couldn't wake up, heh heh!" Naruto laughed nervously. 

Tsunade noticed his discomfort and guessed what was the cause. She couldn't help snickering as she explained "It's been too long since both of us came back to the leaf together, and this is where we grew up and trained. It brings back memories and …. Old habits."

Jiraiya looked at her incredulously for a moment before grudgingly saying " Yeah. The good old days." with barely concealed sarcasm, wiping away another trickle of blood from his nose. 

Shizune hurried over to fix his nose, and Naruto decided he's not going to question the situation, and asked "Who are we seeing first?"

"Hmmm, Uchiha, brat Kakashi then Gai's protégé judging from where their houses are.."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Hurry up already!" Naruto called out as he started towards where Sasuke lived.

"Tsk…. Always the impatient one." Tsunade said smilingly.

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They arrived to find Sakura waiting for them outside the door to his apartment. And after the healing process, Sasuke came round, looking much better than he did before. Sakura broke down in relief as she flung herself onto Sasuke. Naruto smiled wistfully before quietly drawing the curtains around Sasuke's bed to give them more privacy. 

At Kakashi's, once Tsunade had assured everyone that he was going to be alright, Naruto felt most of the tension leave him, and looking around , saw that Gai-sensei looks visibly relieved at the fact that his life-long rival was going to survive too. Tsunade had to perform a jutsu to keep Kakashi asleep for the next two weeks though, for him to fully recover. But other than that, Kakashi's fine, and shouldn't need someone to watch over him for all hours of the day.

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"Hey Sasuke!! How are ---- EWW!!"

Naruto shielded his eyes with his hands at what seems like two people entwined on the bed. 

"Well, uh excuse me…" He said rapidly and backed out of the room.

"N…Naruto, ..wait….you idiot…" came the breathless, tired voice of Sakura.

"Uh, don't worry, I didn't see anything!"

"No, look properly!" she snapped

Naruto slowly parted his fingers to clear some space for him to look through them and saw Sakura settled on the seat beside the bed, and Sasuke scowling darkly.

"Sasuke-kun was trying to get out of the bed by himself when he's not allowed and too weak to, and made it as far as the door before he collapsed. Good thing I arrived to carry him back to bed." Sakura finished slightly breathlessly. 

"You?" Naruto looked incredulous.

"Yes, me! That's why I'm so tired, it wasn't exactly easy you know! And I accidentally fell when helping him on the bed, that's when you came in." 

"Oh."

"No one asked for your help." Sasuke grunted

"Yes, and I was just asking for it. Now keep quiet and rest!"

Naruto watched amusedly as Sakura mothered an extremely reluctant Sasuke who looked as if he wanted nothing more than Sakura to leave him alone. He suddenly thought the whole scene to be endearingly… _cute_, and couldn't hold in a chuckle.

Sasuke glared at him, which made Naruto laugh even harder.

"Well, I came by to see how you're doing Sasuke, and I see you're in good hands. Be a good boy for Sakura alright, Sasuke-chan? Seeya!" Naruto was still laughing as he walked out of the place, dismissing Sasuke's snarls and Sakura's screaming at him to stop making things worse.

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Once out of the building Naruto yawned and stretched lazily as he thought of where he should go.

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Hmmm, I'll just go see how sensei's doing. With that, Naruto made his way to said destination.

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Author's Ending Ramble:

The story's progressing in movie-format in my head, complete with sound effects and color, and a lot more expression, but trying to pen that down, is so much harder! And seems so much dragged out and pointless too ___ Tell me if anyone feels so? I'm tempted to draw it out as a doujin or something, haha~ XD 


	3. Chapter Three: Findings

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Disclaimers: Hmmm, you've read enough disclaimers to know what I'm about to say, so… I shan't bother =___=

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Author's notes: This was out a while ago, in hopes that I could write more =__=;; But I didn't have the time to finish this chapter properly, so I've decided to post it as a chapter, and work on the subsequent plot in another, though I really wanted the developments I've planned to happen in this. I apologise for the lateness and shortness of this, for anyone who may have been waiting for updates. (though there very well may not be anyone -__-;; ) I'll have to address the reviews since my last post in another update ^__^; But reviewers, thank you so much for bothering to write a review, I certainly read them seriously and am very grateful!

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Chapter Three

Findings

Naruto hummed as he walked down the cobbled pavements with his hands behind his back. It was a bright afternoon and everything seemed just so inexplicably promising that Naruto was sure the grin couldn't be wiped from his face. 

As he bounced up the steps of the jounins quarters walked down the long corridor before he found the one he was looking for. Pushing the door open, he looked around for signs of other people in the room, but there was no one besides Kakashi. Naruto grinned and welcomed himself into the small room. 

Settling himself comfortably on the chair beside Kakashi's bed, Naruto smiled even wider when he saw how much better Kakashi looked now compared to the last time he saw his sensei. Wondering what he could say to an unconscious person, Naruto scrunched up his face and thought hard.

"Uh…..yeah, so uh, I'm here to see you sensei."

Kakashi slept on.

"Great." Naruto rolled his eyes at his own announcement earlier. 

After another minute of silence, Naruto couldn't stand the silence and decided to chat on, despite knowing there wasn't going to be any answers in reply.

"That stupid brat Konohamaru he……" 

"You wouldn't believe it! That damned pervert sennin blasted that man out of ………"

"And, and the old hag didn't believe me, so we had this bet…."

"You wouldn't believe it! I beat Kabuto! Ne, did you know, he turned out to be a spy?! And I liked him before too…."

Naruto trailed off, a scowl on his face. But he brightened up immediately after. 

"Ha! I know this new technique that's waaaaay cool! I still wanna learn the Chidori though, hey, that reminds me, why didn't you teach me that sensei?"

Naruto looked at his sensei still sleeping serenely and smiled. 

"Guess I'll have to ask you that again when you wake then."

Looking out of the partially opened window, Naruto was surprised to notice it was already late afternoon. He hadn't known he'd spent the whole afternoon talking to his sensei. This isn't so bad, he mused. 

A breeze blew in and Naruto noticed how the breeze gently ruffled Kakashi's hair. He drew his head down to inspect closer before he noticed a light scent of musk and herbs. Sniffing lightly, he found that it came from Kakashi's hair. 

"Wow, I wonder what shampoo you use…" 

Drawing a lock of hair, Naruto is amazed again by the softness of Kakashi's silver hair.

"What the….damn…wish I had hair that soft too." he grumbled, fingering a lock of his own hair as well, comparing the difference.

With Kakashi's usual mess of spiky hair, no one would have guessed it was so finely textured. After a while of further inspection, Naruto finally settled down again, stretching. 

"Oh well, I better go get some ramen before the ojisan decides to close the shop. I'll be back tomorrow! Seeya, sensei!"

Later, as Naruto was settled down at the table slurping ramen, he couldn't help wondering why he felt strangely happy and content.

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Naruto, as promised, visited his sensei the next day, and the next, and the one after the next. Each of his visits were spent talking to his comatose teacher for hours. Happy that, for once, there was someone who would listen to him talk for hours without complaint. 

Even if it's only because that person was unconscious. Still, it made Naruto happy. He was happy he had someone to talk to. 

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"Hey, you know there was this once I was so angry I thought there was nothing more I wanted to do than to kill all the villagers." Naruto said morosely on his fifth visit as he played with Kakashi's hair. It was a habit he picked up after the first day and frankly, it was kind of fun to play with. 

"But, after I _knew_, well, you can't really blame them can you? I mean, the fourth Hokage died saving the village….and if the villagers respected the Hokage like I do….if I were them, I'd hate me too."

Kakashi's hair was quickly becoming a tangled mess, and Naruto muttered a curse and quickly tried to undo the damage. He was silent while he worked to smoothen out the mess. He looked up finally and stared at the photo frames rested on the window sill. The one on the right was one of Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke and himself. The one on the left, was of the Fourth Hokage, Kakashi, and another two ninjas Naruto had never seen. He wondered with a pang of pain, if the two ninjas had died in the battle against the Nine-Tailed fox as well. 

"The Fourth was your teacher wasn't he? He died sealing the fox in me…….."

Naruto fell silent. He drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them.

"Ne sensei….do I remind you of the fox? Do you dislike me?"

"………Because the fox killed so many?"

"Maybe the ones you loved too……"

"Is that why you wouldn't teach me? You know… that time when I asked you to….and you didn't teach me the Chidori….."

Naruto's voice progressively muffled as he sank his face lower and lower behind his knees. 

"Or.." he hesitated "…is it that I'm not good enough?"

There was no reply.

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Naruto couldn't remember ever telling anyone with the amount of detail he did with Kakashi. He went from his earliest memories, to his life before Team 7, bragged about his achievements as a prankster, his lessons with Iruka at the academy, down to his preference of the various ramen served at the Ichiraku ramen stall. He surprised even himself with all that he could remember and say.

"You know, I'm definitely going to do something about that Hyuuga tradition. It wouldn't do to have another raving one like Neji… hahaha, but Neji's cool now. We even had lunch together at the ramen stall! Well, we kinda bumped into each other there, but…heheh!"

Naruto looked up from his drawing, and sniggered. He had tied Kakashi's hair up in badly done braids earlier and decided he had to sketch it down.

"You can't blame me for the braids, I've only just learnt them from Sakura this morning. It's not like I'll have another chance like this anyway, you're definitely not going to let me get away with this when you wake up."

Naruto paused.

He was just starting to sketch Kakashi's face when he noticed how weird it looked to draw a mask in. As an idea began to form in his head, he congratulated himself for thinking it up, while berated himself why he didn't think of it earlier before - that now he could solve the mystery that is Kakashi's face once and for all.

__

We've always wondered why he had to have a mask over his face all the time…if it was because he was ugly, or scarred, or trying to make a fashion statement. Hmmm…maybe I'm not too far off in my prediction of him having horse lips*……

Naruto carefully placed the pad of paper and the pencil aside and looked around nervously. He felt like what he was about to do was monumental, and illegal. He swallowed hard and slowly reached his hand out to touch the edge of the mask. Taking another swallow, Naruto looked away as he tugged the mask down. 

Naruto finally twisted his head slightly towards Kakashi and willed his eyes to peel open slightly. What caught his eye made him snap his eyes wide open. 

"GEH?! What the….!"

Naruto had imagined what his sensei looked like when Sakura, Sasuke and himself debated over that issue, but he never imagined Kakashi to look so….well, _beautiful_, for lack of better word to describe.

It wasn't the sort of fragile beauty you'd find in a female, it was more of a masculine, where physical perfection masked over strength and power. 

Naruto stared in awe at his sensei. Jealousy started to singe at the edges of his nerves, as it did whenever he came across someone who definitely beat him in the looks department hands down. The last time it happened was with bloody Sasuke, but he'd really rather die than ever admitting that fact out loud. Looks aren't something that you can _win _or _beat _by working your ass off. 

"Damn it! Who'd in his right mind would cover a face like…..l-like…_that_!" yelled Naruto as he gesticulated wildly.

Naruto ranted on for the next few minutes before the unbearable feeling of stupidity of ranting at comatose person off descended upon him. He sighed in defeat before he turned back to his sketch again. 

Grumbling to himself as he tried his best to sketch the newly revealed face.

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Author's Ramble: Uh yeah, don't flame me ;__; 

it's a short, and rather badly written chapter, even I have to admit to that, but I'll remedy that as soon as possible ^__^;;


	4. Chapter Four: Pulse

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Disclaimers:

The Usual Yada.

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Author's Ramble:

Ohhhhh man. I know this is way overdue and I totally didn't live up to my promise to whack a chapter out every two weeks or so. And, this chapter isn't even that long despite the long absence. I really, really have to apologise ;___;

See, I was suddenly caught up with Full Metal Alchemist, shopping, eating, mangas, and other luxuries I'm entitled to enjoy upon my return home for summer break….and my brain just sorta stopped working =____=. I really tried to write, but each time I got stuck I gave up. When I finally have the motivation to continue, I almost never fail to cringe to read what I wrote previously and most had to be removed and rewritten, explaining the sluggish progress of this fic. I've just finished this chapter, and I have a feeling I'll be cringing when I read it later ^___^;; But I'll be doubling my efforts from now on so bear with me!

Right, now on to the important stuff. This Chapter is dedicated to **Kaminiko**. Cause she's the one who inspired me to write KakaNaru, with her site and all the spectacular fanart and writings in there. Those who haven't visited her site, you HAVE to. She's amazing. I simply adore her to bits, and I can't say how pleased I am for her to like my fic XD

Thank you sooooooooo much!

Alright, on with the chapter I owe you guys ;___;

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Chapter 4: Pulse

"Kaaaaakashi senseeee--….!!"

Naruto stopped in mid yell as he tried to overcome his surprise over the fact that there was an additional person in Kakashi's room. 

"Naruto?"

Iruka smiled at Naruto as he watched his scatterbrained former pupil try to gain his bearings from his astonishment. Truth be told, he heard Naruto from the noises he made when storming up the stairs at the end of the hall.

While Naruto can be stealthy and efficient when need calls for it, he is, in every manner, careless and brash and scatterbrained most of the time despite Iruka's efforts to drill discipline into him. Iruka sighed inwardly.

"Iruka sensei~!"

Naruto yelled as he hurled himself forward at his favorite sensei, nearly knocking them both out of the window by Kakashi's bed. Iruka struggled to maintain his grip on the window ledge. "N-Naruto…" He growled as he managed to push both himself and his former student to safety. Once they both their feets were standing firmly on the gorund, Iruka rounded on his former student , took a deep breath before he yelled his head off.

"NARUTO!! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU TO **_THINK_** BEFORE ACTING ON YOUR IMPULSES?!!"

"Heh heh~"

Naruto put his arms behind his head and grinned insolently up at his sensei, which Iruka felt rather put out when faced with such reaction. Sighing, Iruka turned to face the sleeping Kakashi and adjusted his blankets carefully. Naruto narrowed his eyes as he felt a weird feeling creep into him while watching Iruka fussing over Kakashi. He wondered about it for a few seconds before choosing to ignore it for the time being. 

"Ne, Iruka-sensei! What brings you here?" asked Naruto curiously.

Iruka didn't look up from where he was refilling the bedside water flask. 

"Hmmm? Oh, nothing much, the semester break starts today and there are no classes to teach, and thankfully, no assignments to mark as well. So I thought I'll just come in here to check on how Kakashi is doing ."

"Heh heh heh~! You needn't worry! I come in to check on him all the time, and he's looking okay so far." Naruto grinned.

Iruka turned off the tap and carried the flask over, as he walked past Naruto, he smiled and ruffled Naruto's hair affectionately. 

"Yeah, I know you've been spending a lot of time here, seeing how I've went over to your apartment to look for you several times already and you're always never there."

"Huh~!! Aww man, Iruka-sensei! Were you planning on taking me out for ramen all those times?"

"We-eell, maaaybe~" replied Iruka in a sing-song voice as he tried hard not to laugh at the crest-fallen expression that had etched into Naruto's face.

After a few moments of watching Naruto fall deeper into dismay, Iruka felt bad enough to want to reassure his favourite student. 

"Now, come on, stop sulking. I'll take you out for ramen later, how about it?"

"Iruka-sensei!!!" Naruto beamed happily and hurled himself towards Iruka to hug him. 

He nearly hurled them both out the window for the second time that day.

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Naruto sniggered silently to himself as he snuck stealthily within the jounin quarters, he knew Iruka might be visiting Kakashi that day and he wanted to creep up on Iruka and scare…no, surprise him. As he neared Kakshi's unit, he heard soft sniffs and low voices talking. Deeply alarmed, Naruto tried to think of all the possibilities of why and how those noises came to be , coming from a comatose person's room. Could it be enemies of Kakshi's who've come to take advantage of his condition? 

Anything's possible when you're a well-known ninja, you won't know what sort of enemies you'll get. Feeling his heart race slightly faster, Naruto took even greater care to be silent to advance forward as his hand crept to gain grip on a kunai. The door was only partially shut, like someone had hastily pushed the door and didn't care to shut it properly. This allowed Naruto to push the door slightly to allow him a slit to spy the ongoings within the room. 

What Naruto saw made his heart stop and his blood to freeze into ice in that single life-altering moment.

Naruto's mind slowly and distantly acknowledged that as he felt his head struggling for order before it was overrun with the conflict of emotions that Naruto could only half understand. But the intensity was too much, too fast and Naruto's mind did what it thought was for the best. It wiped everything out. 

BLANK.

Then it felt like he was observing everything from a different dimension. That he was really, really far away, detached from his body and mind while he slowly processed the scenes displayed before him. 

Figures.

Two people. 

WHO?

Kakashi….Iruka…..

Noise…noise….what?

Iruka, crying? Crying, crying, in Kakashi's arms. _His_ arms.

KAKASHI? 

Sensei… teacher….sleep..coma? No, no, awake. Sitting. Arms holding Iruka close. _Close._

AWAKE?

Awake…awake….awake….no….no….NO!!!!!!!!!

Don't, don't DON'T, please don't god, no, don't, don't, no, please, please, _PLEASE_……

Don't kiss …..kiss Iruka…….

__

IRUKA?

SENSEI?

NO…NO…..NO!!!!!!!! 

DON'T LOOK!!! STOP! _STOP!!!!!!!!!!!_

Turn away…..turn, turn, run, go, _run run run run run_

**__**

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The mental scream in his head was what slammed him back into reality. Naruto backed slowly away from the door willing and dragging leadened feet . Finally, he managed to wrench his eyes away and did what his mind had continuously screamed at him to do. He fled.

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The run back to his was an unconscious decision, taking him back to the one place he thought he could seek security and solace from. 

The sharp slaps of his feet on the cobbled ground sounded loudly in the empty alley-the shortest route home. Naruto clutched the front of his jacket tightly as his breath came in loud rasps. He felt like he was suffocating.

__

More, more, more!! 

Forcing himself to breath harder and harder to take in more air worked ineffectually, his efforts causing his head to swim and bright spots to cloud his vision. Naruto faintly recognised that he was dangerously close to passing out, but he refused to fall in the middle of nowhere. He _has_ to make it home.

Slamming the front door of his apartment open, Naruto immediately half ran, half stumbled to his bathroom. Turning the taps viciously, water was splattered everywhere as Naruto ducked his head beneath the gush of water.

Gasping loudly, Naruto finally pulled his head away and blinked the water away from his eyes. His harsh breathing was resounding loudly in the empty apartment. The water did little to cool the heat that seemed to consume him, but he had to try nonetheless. 

Staring distractedly at the droplets of water that clung at the ends of his hair, Naruto felt the seconds drag on with excruciating slowness. Slowly he raised his head to the mirror, and found himself looking back at a face twisted in misery and anger. Glaring into his own eyes reflected there, it was as if he could see for himself, the swirls of turmoil battling it out in the alleys of his mind. 

How he hated it. Hated this expression on him that always reminded him of how _pathetic_ he was. As if he hadn't made any progress at all, from the time when he constantly wore this expression when facing the rest of the world, when this naked expression was all the defence he had that stood between him and the animosity directed at him from the rest of the world. He's _changed_ dammit!

He should have been stronger than this-than to succumb into these feelings this strongly once again. He was no longer the Naruto that he was before. He has friends now, people he cared for, trusted and would lay his life down for. And…and, he believed they cared for him too. Sakura, Sasuke, Iru-……

The reminder of the man raised anger in boiling waves within him suddenly. Before he could register his own actions, he found himself staring back at the hundreds of fragmented reflections, and his bleeding fist at the epicentre of the destruction done to his mirror. Wrenching his arm away with a low growl, he stormed out of the bathroom.

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Slumped in a corner, he sat in silence, staring at the shadows cast by the sun by his feet sprawled in front of him. His hands remained clenched tightly. 

One thing that Naruto realised over the years was how easy it was to _fall_. Falling into misery, into despair and most of all, falling into the depths of his own mind. Naruto always found it strange how people say that your mind's your own, and the extent of control over it depends on sheer will and determination of the individual. But the mind and in all its complexity and functions, does not always follow where you _want_ it to go. Naruto knows this well, having fallen prey to its onslaughts early on in his life. Its effects leading to the gradual contamination of his heart. The heart that took a long time to heal from betrayal and hate. The heart that thought it knew where to trust.

Bitter betrayal was filling it now. 

Naruto knew he wasn't supposed to feel this way. Iruka wasn't doing anything wrong, he didn't know, and he was just kissing….or being kissed by Kakashi. 

Why did that have to hurt so goddamned much?!

Naruto clenched his fists tighter.

It was just a kiss.

In that position, Naruto fell into uneasy sleep later on, filled with dreams of tasting himself on hot wet lips , and a hauntingly beautiful face hovering above his own.

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tbc


	5. Chapter Five: Why

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Disclaimers:

They are NOT mine, or you'll be looking at a manga chock full of homosexuals and tangled relationships.

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Author's Ramble:

Uhhhh…..I really have no excuse for my extremely long absence, and this chapter is really sort of a mini-chapter rather than the usual length I submit in ;; (forgive the lame title too) Sorry, but I thought the place where I ended it was more appropriate for the setting of the next chapter (yes, there **will be **a next chapter). I don't even dare hope the people who were following this before even bother with it anymore. All I can say is that I will try harder from now on to bring this fic into completion, and I ask for forbearance. ;;

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Chapter Five: Why.

Groaning, Naruto winced as he pushed himself up from the floor, his head swam at the pain that shot through from his arms, up his neck and down his back in that instantaneous torturous moment.

__

Great, I spent an entire night on the cold floor, half frozen and waking up to find myself in pain, and now I'm staring at the bed right in front of me, as if its mocking me. Oh for the love of---….why couldn't I just have crawled that two metres to where my bed was?? Then Naruto recalled what kept him from the bed and frowned. He sighed and braced his arms gingerly against the wall and hauled himself up. Geez, his legs felt mangled and he had to wait a while before some semblance of feeling was returned to them, so he could trudge to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

Some moments later, Naruto sat slumped at the kitchen table hunched over, water dripping down the spiky strands of hair. He was never very good with analytical stuff, or dealing with emotions for the matter, which made sorting the scrambled mess of his mind doubly hard.

Fact one: Kakashi-sensei's awake.

__

Awake.

That's cause for celebration isn't it?

Wasn't that just what everyone was hoping for, especially himself?

Fact two: Kakashi-sensei and Iruka sensei were kissing.

So what? It was just a kiss. People kiss all the time. Couples, mostly. So…Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei were a …couple.

Naruto clenched his fists as he desperately fought down a wave of hurt. This was where he kept getting stuck, whenever he tried to put things into perspective. The hurt that fact caused. He felt it intimately enough, but he just couldn't explain _why_. Was it because he was feeling shocked and betrayed about the two senseis closest to him were homosexual? Or perhaps because he now knows he isn't all that special to Iruka?

No…no. That isn't it. Naruto gave a low frustrated growl and slumped onto the table, scraping his nose on a rough portion of the wooden table. Hissing in annoyance, Naruto sat up rubbing his nose and glared at what caused his discomfort before his eyes widened in surprise.

__

Kakashi.

He'd almost forgotten the carving he made on the table.

__

Kakashi.

Slowly Naruto's fingers reached up to traces the letters. Somehow the feel of rough grain felt wrong. Kakashi…was soft hair, smooth skin and mystery. Strength and deadliness concealed beneath all that. Peace and quiet came with knowing he was _there_, alive and breathing beneath his fingers, and just simply being there beside him. The happiness. The content.

Naruto frowned as he finally understood a little. It was the loss of that peace and quiet that bothered him. And that he was upset he would not be able to feel the happiness that he felt during the times he sat by Kakashi while he was unconscious. But…why did he feel happy in the first place? Naruto could count the number of times he had been truly happy in his short life with the fingers of one hand. Like when Iruka risked his life to save him…and gave him the recognition he craved above all else then. It was exhilarating, unbelievable, and it made him extremely happy. It never failed to bring his spirits up whenever he recalled that event.

Until now.

Even that happiness failed to dull the pain of the loss of his other happiness, and Naruto couldn't understand _why_.

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"OI!! NARUTO!!!"

Startled, Naruto almost fell out of his chair where he was seated at Ichiraku Ramen. A glance down at his ramen that had gone cold, he sighed and turned to the voice that jerked him out of his daze.

"What's wrong with you?! I've been trying to catch your attention for the past five minutes and you acted like you were deaf and blind!" Sakura huffed in annoyance.

"Yeah…sorry." mumbled Naruto while he picked up his chopsticks to poke around in his bowl.

Sakura took a moment to get over her initial shock before worry began to tug at her nerves. "N-Naruto, are you sick?" She reached out to feel his forehead.

"Stop it! I'm fine!"

"What's wrong?" Sakura slid into the seat beside Naruto, who was feeling irritated by everything and everyone now for some reason.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Naruto said bitterly.

"I'll have to be terribly stupid to believe you. Naruto, tell me what's bothering you, you're acting funny…"

"Yeah! Everything I do is funny huh! Nothing compared to mighty little Sasuke right? So why don't you do us both a favour and snivel after Sasuke right now instead of degrading yourself by being with me?!"

Naruto knew he had said something very, very wrong as he watched blood drain from Sakura's face, eyes wide and hurt.

"Sa-sakura, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…."

"Anyway, I-I just wanted to tell you sensei's awake. I'm s-sorry for bothering you." Sakura forced out in an oddly hitched voice, as Naruto watched in horror at her struggle to keep her tears at bay. Having said that, Sakura turned and ran.

Naruto sat numbly staring at her retreating back, as guilt ate rapidly away at him.

__

Crap, what is **wrong** with me?!!

Depositing his money on the table for his uneaten ramen, Naruto got up to look for the person who may have the answers.

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Author's ending ramble: Naruto-fans are going to protest I expect, but I believe we're all prone to our moments of idiocy in times of anger and frustration. Naruto didn't mean what he said, he's just less able to handle strong emotions than the rest are.


	6. Chapter Six: Cry

Chapter 6 : Cry

Disclaimers – Same old, same old.

Naruto stared ahead with an expression that could only be described as a mix of extreme resignation and weariness, as the white haired man sitting beside him hunched over in laughter.

"Y-y-you and t-that…hahaha! You s-saw them! Hahahaha-" Jiraiya slapped his hand on the table repeatedly as he guffawed, earning another dirty look sent his way by Naruto.

"Look, pervert sennin, you can stop laughing now." Naruto muttered, and this only made the sennin laugh harder than before. Naruto sighed heavily, and wondered if he really was born with a lesser brain than the average person to have thought talking to Jiraiya would help.

So far, it's looking like one of the sorriest decisions he had ever made in his life.

"Absolute _classic_! Man, I wish I had been there! Ahahahhaa! Who would've thought? That Kakashi brat and Iruka! Hahaha! And..and you! This is fabulous material for my novel!" Jiraiya wheezed as he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, before noticing the color rapidly draining off Naruto's face.

"Fine, fine, I was just kidding ya kid, don't look so upset." Jiraiya grinned.

"Though… I've been thinking about it for a while, there's a big market for these things if you'd believe it," Jiraiya drifted off rubbing his chin "and it's gotten that much more _interesting_ with live materi- okay, okay, don't get so worked up!"

Naruto sat down heavily and slammed his fist down on the table to keep it from its intended trajectory toward Jiraiya's face. As if it wasn't bad enough that he had these weird screws coming loose in his head, and that he hurt Sakura, that he had this annoying accumulation of hurt and betrayal slamming against his chest, now there's the humiliation Jiraiya seems intent on making him live through. Jiraiya observed Naruto's mood plummeting from the corner of his eye before taking a big swallow of his sake and leaned to his side to look at Naruto with a somber expression.

"Look kid, I can't tell you what to do, you've got to figure that one out yourself. Don't go taking pages out of other peoples' books and do what they'll do in the same situation, do what you feel like. You're the one who's going to live with the consequences."

Reaching round to flick Naruto on the forehead, Jiraiya grinned at the scowl he got in return and shoved his cup under Naruto's nose.

"Whatever the outcome of your decision, you're going to grow because of it, treasure the experience for what it is kid, and with that, here's a drink to your first step towards adulthood!"

"What are you talking about stupid sennin, I can't drink, I'm underaged."

"Tsk tsk tsk, here's another advice for you, rules aren't always that absolute, sometimes you have to learn how to bend them when you have to. It all boils down to what you believe in."

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Naruto walked with his arms folded in front of his chest and thought about what Jiraiya said before. Usually, afternoons like these are spent practicing or sparring with Sasuke, or for the past week – spent beside Ka-no, let's not go there.

Naruto clenched his teeth as he remembered everything that brought him to his current predicament. He felt stupid for feeling the things he did at the moment and he hated the helplessness most of all.

"Naruto!"

Naruto jerked at the voice that called out his name, and spun around to see Iruka running up to him. He dropped his arms to his sides immediately but his fists clenched unconciously.

"Naruto! I've been trying to get your attention for the past minute! I was going to…hey, what's wrong?"

Iruka stopped what he was going to say when he noticed his former pupil refusing to meet his eyes, instead keeping his head downcast. He squatted down to better look at Naruto's face, but Naruto just jerked his head to the side. This surprised Iruka, who had never seen Naruto act this quiet and abnormal.

"Naruto….you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Iruka reached a hand out to ruffle Naruto's hair, but when his hand had barely brushed Naruto's hair, the boy jerked back so violently that Iruka was left stunned with his hand still out reached. The reaction was so untypical and immediately got Iruka worried.

"Naruto?"

Naruto flinched at his voice as his thoughts warred against each other.

_/It's Iruka, you know, the guy who saved you/_

_/Yeah, the same person who was touching Kakashi just before. Oh wait, more than touch./_

_/ So? Not like any one of them knew about how you felt, you're being unfair. /_

_/I can't help it/_

_/ It's because you act this way that no one treats you like an adult, have more control/ _

_/I feel betrayed. / _

_/Oh please, just look at Iruka will you? You know you've hurt him with your reaction just now. /_

Naruto contemplated running away and just leaving Iruka there, but he knew Iruka did not deserve the sort of treatment he was receiving from him at the moment, after all the things Iruka had done for him. The problem was his own.

That decided, Naruto forced himself to look up with a wide grin on his face as he yelled "Gotcha! Hahaha!"

"E-Eh?" Iruka stuttered uncertainly.

"I was pulling your leg sensei! See, I've been soooo boooored the entire day, and of course I'll know you were behind me. Just wanted to see your reaction, you know?" Naruto grinned and raised his arms behind his head.

"Why you…little…"Iruka bit his lip and raised his fist jerkily "I was really worried!"

"Nyahahaha! Baaaaaaaaaaka! Ne, sensei! I'm going to see Sasuke now, so I'll catch ya later kay?" Naruto jogged off for a bit before turning around to wave enthusiastically at Iruka with both hands.

"Sensei! Treat me to ramen next time!"

"As if I will after pulling that prank!"

"Thanks! I'll look forward to it!"

"LISTEN TO WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING!"

Naruto laughed loudly as he ran off. When he was sure he was out of Iruka's sight, he slowed down to a walk as the smile he kept on his face fell away.

_Now, that wasn't so hard was it?_

Naruto nodded to himself vigorously to assent the question, but at the same time, he suddenly felt very much like crying.

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It was nice, after all the fussing and the fawning from a certain pink-haired girl, to just lie down and bask in the pure **_silence_** of the late afternoon. The warm, slightly humid breeze that came in from the window beside the bed was a welcome, and lulled him gently towards sleep. That is, until a low, dead voice called out to from somewhere beyond the door.

"Saaasukeeee……."

Sasuke sat up tensed, with a shuriken ready in hand as he felt the barest shiver travel up his spine.

"Who's there!"

"Saaasukeeee……."

"Show yourself!"

A face slowly peered from the side of the doorframe.

"N-Naruto! What the….w-why…_what the shit are you trying to pull_!"

"Saaasukeeee……."

"S-Stop it! Stop calling my name like that!"

Naruto trudged slowly towards Sasuke with two of his hands slightly outstretched and truthfully, it was unnerving as hell even for the usually stoic boy, what with the glassy look in Naruto's eyes.

"What hell do you want! And stay away!" Sasuke was feeling more disturbed with every step Naruto advanced toward him.

"Hey! Are you even listening!" Sasuke yelled as Naruto stopped beside his bed and leaned forward…..

…to collapse on Sasuke's lap.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

"Saaasukeeee……."

"**_Shut up_!**"

Naruto mumbled incoherently into Sasuke's lap but remained where he was. Strangely enough, Sasuke sensed that something was wrong with his team mate and did not shove Naruto away or plant a kunai or two into his brain – as would be the case under normal circumstances. Hell, the only bodily contact they ever willingly had were the punches and blows from their sparring sessions – which almost always involved pain in some way. But never like this, Naruto flopped across his lap and acting weirdly. The whole experience was pretty surreal, and Sasuke's brow twitched as he glared down at the blond head and desperately tried to come up with an appropriate response to the situation.

"Eh Sasuke…."

"...What."

"I think…..I think I may have fallen for Kakashi."

"You uh, no, wait…come again?"

"I said, I think I've fallen in lo-"

"**Wait**."

Naruto raised his head a little to glance at Sasuke - who was rapidly losing colour and clutching the front of his shirt like his stomach hurt. Naruto sat up quickly in alarm.

"Naruto, you know, I think my condition's not too great today, I may even be hearing things, it's best you le-"

"Hey! You were fine just before-"

"Yeah, I thought so too! Before you barged in sprouting nonsense-"

"N-Nonsense! I happen to be confiding something very personal-"

"GAHHH! What makes you think I make a good listening candidate for your gay confession-"

"Gay confession?" Naruto looked thoroughly scandalized "I'm not gay! I was just saying I fell in love with—"

"Kakashi! A **_guy_**, in case you haven't noticed. Have you lost your mind or what!"

Sasuke screamed and watched Naruto bite down on his lip as a misery twisted itself into his features, which made Sasuke feel oddly guilty. An awkward silence descended on the two of them after the tirade.

"So…you're gay."

Naruto shot him a murderous look that made Sasuke shrink back a little.

"I'm _not_."

"But you like Kakashi!" Sasuke said defensively.

"He's….he's a guy, but it's not like-"

"Wait." Sasuke startled "You were on my lap earlier, you're not into me-hey!"

Naruto shoved Sasuke violently.

"Hell **no**! How can you even _think_ that!"

"…..I was just making sure."

Sasuke glared murderously as he rubbed his shoulder where Naruto shoved him.

"Good god, I can't believe I made the same mistake twice. I actually thought talking to Jiraiya had been a good idea, but that pervert wanted to make me his reference for branching into gay novels!"

"Yeah, well, if you're putting me together with him as far as your 'mistake' goes; I'll say you deserve it." Sasuke gritted out.

"Go to hell, Sasuke."

Silence reigned again as both boys fumed over what the other said, Naruto folding his arms indignantly in front of him and Sasuke stubbornly looking the other way. It was not until Sasuke noticed Naruto harshly rubbing his face from the corner of his eyes that he slowly turned to face Naruto again.

"You're not…crying are you?"

"Are you stupid? Of course not." Naruto snapped, but Sasuke could see new tracks of tears sliding down the other boy's face before hands reached up to hastily scrub them away. Oh, Naruto was definitely crying alright.

This revelation left Sasuke more shocked than he could imagine, after being in so many potentially fatal situations with the other boy and never once seeing him shed a single tear – to know that Naruto was affected enough to cry made Sasuke's conscience weigh heavily on him over his earlier words.

Unable to think of anything appropriate to say, and refusing to ignore his friend, Sasuke stiffly reached a hand out to rest on Naruto's head, patting it with and awkwardness that was evident from his whole body as well as the voice he had to swallow a few times before managing it out.

"…D-Don't cry."

But it only made Naruto cry harder.

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**Author's Ramble: **

Well, long long absence (a full freaking **_year_** if you want to be technical), and a pretty terrible chapter, I know. ;; Sorry, had this written ages back, but never got round to posting it cause I thought I'll finish it somewhere further along than this and have it….well….better written, or refined.

I apologise for those who were actually waiting for this (though there is always the possibility no one is, am not kidding myself here, really)

Naruto's come a long way since I updated a year ago, and amidst the time that passed, new obsessions came and went, and I must admit, I haven't been wholly loyal or consistent with my writing. Forgive the bad English, grammar and clichés with this chapter, and reviews will be so appreciated. This story is going the way I've planned it from the start, it's a matter of penning it down the way I want it, and actually penning it at all ;; I will see through it to the end if anyone cares enough for it to stick with me, suggestions and other criticisms will help it along so much as well nudge so do leave a review yeah? By the way, I'm writing a sequel to my other Naruto fic 'Never Meant' at the moment and should be posted shortly following this as well, so if you've got time, gimme some thoughts on that one as well yeah? Thanks for reading!


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